#10 Length of game

This game is short. You can literally beat it within 3 hours if you skip the cut scenes, and I'm sure some players will beat it in less time (just wait for the Youtube vid). 'nuff said.

#9 Smoking

In the old MGS games, sure, Snake would smoke, but it wasn't that big of a deal. For one, because of the graphical properties of those games, the smoking wasn't rendered in high detail. Even then, it wasn't a good thing to expose kids to smoking, but the games were so good that we could excuse this aspect.

In MGS4, the smoking is meant to look as cool and bad-ass as possible. During the initial loading sequence, players are treated to a highly detailed animation of Snake smoking in all it's coolness.

Personally, I hadn't had a cigarette since I tried them in my teens. However, after playing this game, I suddenly found I had a powerful urge to smoke. I was drinking with friends two days after I started playing MGS4, and I asked for a drag off of someone's cigarette. Since that time, I'm up to two packs a day, and I've noticed a significant decline in my lung capacity and general health.

I'm usually not so impressionable, but I believe that the image of Old Snake smoking, with his strong looks and musculature, has profoundly affected my mindset. I realize that smoking is unhealthy, but I feel like my subconscious mind has already been programmed. I hate to think of all the young MGS fans who have taken up smoking as a result of this game.

#8 Pornography

In MGS 1-3, there were sometimes poster girls or girlie magazines incorporated into the games. That was alright, especially because they were generic magazines, and not necessarily of the "nudie" variety.

In MGS4, there is a full endorsement of Playboy Magazine. Playboy features fully nude women, and by promoting it, MGS encourages players to buy and support pornography. Especially considering that may of the players are going to be younger, this is very inapproprite.

Pornography often exploits women, and women do it as a means of making money when all else fails. I realize that Playboy often features women who aren't exactly "trailer trash," but it certainly encourages men to think of women as sex objects, to be valued for their T & A instead of their inner assets.

After playing MGS4, I noticed that I had a compulsion to look at internet pornography, and only after hours and hours of binging on hardcore, exploitive porn did I realize that it was because of the not-so-subliminal messages I received while playing the game.

#7 Spoilers, spoilers, spoilers

This game is so full of twists and secrets that it becomes almost impossible to talk about with someone who hasn't played it through. Even though I highly recommend that you DO NOT purchase this piece of crap, many of my readers will do so, so I don't want to spoil an already bad game.

By filling a game with so much "spoil-able" content, the developers shoot themselves in the foot. Fans can't talk about the game without worrying that something will slip. Even before I played it through, I had accidentally read about several MAJOR elements that spoiled the game. Thus I was left anticipating those events as the game went on, instead of trying to enjoy things as they come (which is hard enough because the game blows).

It's great for games to have twists and turns, but when the whole game depends on people not knowing things that they are bound to encounter beforehand if they're not careful, it sucks.

What's more, this blog would have 1000 times more entries if I were allowed to mention ALL of the aspects of MGS4 that totally suck, but to do so would involve revealing many, many spoilers.

#6 Octocamo

In MGS3, we selected our camoflage to blend in with the environment. This gave the game a certain element of strategy, not to mention fashion. I personally am a Raiden fan, so I personally preferred to play wearing the Raiden mask for much of the game.

In MGS4, the game automatically adjusts your camo. I don't understand the choice for that. I would have much preferred to manually adjust the camo. Not only does it make the game easier, it can be distracted to constantly be changing colors.

To me the octocamo seemed gimmicky, as if it's just a place to show off the PS3 processing power and graphical abilities. I would have much preferred if Snake would just stay in the same non-changing outfit.

Moreover, why does Snake wear Octo-camo when stealth camo was already in existence during the previous games. Certainly any flaws in the steal camo would have been corrected by then? Isn't it better to sneak around in a suit that makes you invisible, as opposed to a suit that's constantly rearranging it's colors?

#5 Crappy level of realism

This game is set in the near future. Are we really supposed to believe that there are these massive gecko mechs and crazy bosses that can exist in our near future. If you're going to make a fantasy games, set it in a mystical land full of elves -- don't mix the fantastic worlds and the real world, because you loose credibility on all sides.

#4 Cut scenes!

Webster's dictionary defines a game as a "a freakin' thing that you play -- like, you interact with it, y'know." A movie, on the other hand, is defined as, "A thing that you watch while sitting on your hands and not interacting." So why when I payed for a game do I get a movie half the time...??

How frustrating is it to attempt to play this game, but instead be forced to watch over-long movies. My blood pressure skyrockets everytime I just want to have a little fun playing, but instead am subjected to these melodramatic inturruptions. Why don't I just skip it, you ask? Well, then I will be even more lost in MGS4's incredibly convulted plot.

I have no idea why game developers think they can incorporate a full-length movie (and then some!) within their game.

#3 Violence

Though this was an issue in the previous MGS games, it's especially bad in MGS4. This is partly because with the better graphical capabilities of the PS3, the violence looks more real. When you shoot someone in the head, or a mech rips a soldier apart, it looks like you're watching it on the 10 o'clock news rather than playing a cartoony game.

Moreover, because players can often get away with shooting their way through to reach their objectives, they're encouraged to wreak a lot more carnage than in the previous games. Now what happens when little Johnny finishes the game and joins his friends? That's right: He starts snapping necks and shooting people in the crotch. It's a well-known fact that simulated violence is linked with aggression in the real world. Next time you hear of violence in the work place or in the school yard, there's a good chance that those involved were playing MGS4.

#2 Indecisiveness

Pick a genre!

In past MGS games, if you went into a scene with guns blazing, you were sure to die. Metal Gear is in the genre of stealth-based action games. Then why the hell doesn't it stick to the genre. The game doesn't know what it wants to be: FPS, stealth, or a freakin' melodrama.

I went into it thinking that this would be an awesome stealth game. Turns out that you can FIRE AT WILL and shoot your way out of many scenarios if you choose to. Well, that defeats the whole purpose of going stealth, now doesn't it?

Moreover, there are multiple paths you can take to accomplishing your objectives. Now I don't know about you, but this diminishes my sense of accomplishment. Did I do it right?? Or did I just get lucky?

Take a classic game: Super Mario Bros. How many ways to kill the dragon 1. How many ways to advanced the level: Hop on the fuckin' flag pool. How many ways to kill a Goomba: jump on him (or fireball or run through him when invincible, but still).

I take a certain satisfaction in finding the ONE course of action and taking it.

#1 Snake is old

Old Snake? Really? Is that a joke? I cannot believe I'm playing an elderly version of the bad-ass hero I've come to love. Listen, not all characters have to look like they're 22 yrs old, and older characters can be done tastefully -- just look at Splinter Cell. Sam Fischer looks like he's pushing 50, though he's still pretty spry and looks like a bad-ass. Old Snake, on the other hand, looks like he's ready to throw in the fuckin' towel. I don't care how slick his octo-fuckin-camo suit is, the man looks like the walking dead.

Maybe I'm completely off base, and Kojima is on the cutting edge of a new trend. I'll be a true believe when I see GTA 5: Shady Acres or Old Town Buffet Tycoon.

It's been said that Kojima was inspired by various moves, novels and games, and I think I found his inspiration for Snake's latest incarnation.

Now, I've always been supportive of the unconventional themes that Kojima has integrated into his games before, but this is taking it too far. Players actually have to watch their stress levels during the game, and Snake's bad back and health problems are a persistent theme. This is not the type of escapism I typically seek -- it doesn't please me to live vicariously through a guy who looks like he's 80! And yes, the model of Snake is highly detailed, but in this case it's a bad thing -- do I really need to see the full extent of his wrinkles and age spots. Oh, and (small spoiler alert), his appearance ages throughout the game. Great -- instead of a more powerful character, he gets progressively more decrepit... Why not just give him a high-tech walker or a wheelchair? Maybe they can work on a Wii version of the game that incorporates these elements.

No worries though, because furtunately Snake's major enemy, Liquid Ocelot, is similarly old as hell. I swear to god that at times I thought I was watching the The Bucket List.

Why Metal Gear 4 blows...

Now, I know that most of the reviews rave about the game, accept for the most contrarian, attention-seeking reviewers. Yeah, it can be argued that the game has many good points, and the only people who would poo-poo it are those who wouldn't know a great video game from a hole in their head. Unfortunately for Metal Gear fans, the naysayers are actually right!

The game actually is terrible! It feels like it was just thrown together in Hideo Kojima's basement, programmed for the Colecovision and ported to the PS3 by a 14 yr old with bad ADHD. I anticipated the game for the longest time, and putting this into my PS3, I was BLOWN AWAY by the level of disregard that Kojima has for his fans.

In no specific order, I'm going to proceed to tell you you should NOT waste your money on this worthless piece of shit!

Metal Gear 4 SUCKS!!!

I was highly anticipating playing Metal Gear Solid 4. I have been a fan since the original MGS, though no a die hard fan -- to be honest, I got stuck in all three prior Metal Gear Solids and didn't make it through more than half of the game! Is that pathetic?

Anyway, when I saw screenshots, gameplay vids and trailers for MGS4, I immediately became psyched. I didn't even have a PS3 at the time, but I HAD to have one and reserve the game. Now that I've played it, I can say with absolute certainty that METAL GEAR 4 SUCKS BIG TIME! It absolutely sucks ass, blows donkey balls, and is less entertaining than watching a pile of steaming shit decompose!

MGS4 is without a doubt the WORST Metal Gear game, including all the Gameboy games, the card-based games, and the original NES version. In the posts ahead, I'll tell you why MGS4 was such a complete failure and an utter let-down.